Second Opinion
by stay.traught.i'm.deactivated
Summary: Draco Malfoy demands a second opinion. Too bad he asks the wrong people. T for language. ONESHOT.


**Second Opinion**

Guess who is back? :3

I thought of this idea while sitting in front of a computer, reading these weird quotes online. It was a funny quote, but I feel like I have lost interest in it now that this fic is written. Still like this fic, though. :D

* * *

I woke up at the usual time, 6:00 in the morning, and my first thought was: _Today is a bad day_. Nonetheless, I picked myself up out of bed and got prepared for classes.

In an hour, I was clean, neatly groomed, and amazing looking as usual. Checking my reflection once more, I flashed myself a smile and strut out the dormitory to the common room. I was just outside the portrait when I realised I forgot my books back inside my dorms. Fuming silently, I went back in to get them.

When I got to the Great Hall, McGonagall was at the doors. She told me to pick a slip of paper out of this bucket she was holding. Barmy, old codger... Dumbledore probably _personally_ taught her the art of crazy before he died. Changing subjects now... I picked one to avoid getting in trouble and the word _Ravenclaw_ was scrawled on it.

"What's this?" I asked impatiently. I wanted to eat, dammit.

"That's the table you shall be sitting at for the day, Mister Malfoy," she replied tersely. "We are promoting House Unity, and by switching tables, you can meet new people."

I might have twitched a bit trying to keep my swear words in my head as I stormed over to the Ravenclaw table.

Let's see, that area has the gross, unmannerly people... That area has the gossiping, annoying girly-girls... That area has the people who can't possibly be seen with me. Ew, that area has first years! Oh, okay, the far front has people that are... _adequate_, I suppose. I'll sit there.

As I plop myself down, I silently curse McGonagall. As I fill my plate with delicious breakfast foods, I silently curse McGonagall. As I pour my pumpkin juice, I silently curs—

"Malfoy, what did the food ever do to you to deserve that much of an evil eye?" a voice asked me.

I turned to glare at... Granger.

"Of course, I'm not scared of your evil eye. The only thing I'm scared of is getting fruit all over me when your glare causes the oranges to spontaneously combust."

I'll show her an evil eye.

"You know you're twitching a bit, Malfoy?" she asks with a badly stifled giggle.

Damn her...

"Are you crazy or insane or something, Malfoy?" she asks me, casually biting into her toast and marmalade.

"I am not _crazy or insane or something_," I bite back, mocking her annoying tone.

"First of all, I don't sound like that," she says bossily and know-it-all-ly, if that's a word. "Secondly, I'm pretty sure you are crazy or insane if you can do a girl voice _THAT_ high."

I glare at her. "I'd like a second opinion!" I demand, looking around for some Slytherins. Then I remember that I'm not at the Slytherins table and none if my friends are down yet. Damn them and their insisted extra hour of sleep.

"You want a second opinion? Okay, you're ugly and stupid, too," a voice calls. I turn around and see Potter looking at me with a triumphant expression. Weasley is right beside him. Those stupid idiots are soiling the Slytherin table!

"Good one, Harry!" Weasley calls, giving Potter a high five.

"I wasn't aware there was a mirror around here for you to be talking to yourself, Potter!" I call back, mentally patting myself in the back. That was a good insult.

"Of course there isn't a mirror here, otherwise you'd be snogging your reflection in it!" he says before bursting into laughter. Granger and Weasley start laughing, too. Why those little...

"Screw you, Potter!" I yell with an air of finality, turning back around.

When the laughter dies down, I hear Potter stage whisper to his red headed friend. "See, I told you Malfoy was batting for the other team, Ron. No wonder he spends so much time working on his hair. I heard he takes an hour!"

Whipping back around, I quietly shout back at him, "I only take 45 minutes, you shittle-brained lackwit! Get your facts straight, Potter!" I might have lost my temper a bit...

"I'm sorry Malfoy, I'm not interested in you or your hair. I happen to be dating Ginny," he replies calmly.

"And you're straight, Harry," Granger adds with a sly grin.

"I'm straight too, Hermione!" I argue, pouting slightly.

All their jaws drop simultaneously and I smirk.

"I'm just _too_ amazing for you three to comprehend, eh?"

"You... You called me Hermione!" Granger says, shocked.

Aw, crap.

"Um... I think I hear Professor Snape calling!" I say out of the blue. "Can't keep him waiting!" I get up and run out the hall.

Thank Merlin that is over. Wait... I forgot my books again. Yup, very bad day.

Maybe if I just tip toe in and take it while no one is looking...

"Oh look, Malfoy's back. I knew he had a crush on me, sneaking around and watching me," Potter says cockily, causing me to drop my books back on the bench.

"You know what, Potter? I'm not _'batting for the other team'_ so get off my case," I tell him with all the sass and force I can muster. It's not like I'm a bloody Gryffindor...

"We would, but we usually don't trust Slytherins," Granger turns around and quips as Weasley nods in agreement.

"Oh, but I have proof," I say with a smirk. The Wonder Twins raise their eyebrows simultaneously. "Oh, you wanted to see the proof?"

"Sometime this century would be nice, Malfoy," Weasley drawls.

I glare at him and pick up my books in one hand. And my excellent proof? I lightly cup Granger's cheek and snog her until she pushes me away. 15 seconds. That's a bit long...

"If you want a second opinion on whether I'm gay or not, just ask Granger!" I shout to them as I leave the Hall.

Problem fixed: the Golden Trio won't call me gay anymore.

Wait... Wait, Wait, Wait, _WAIT_! I just snogged Granger in plain sight.

Damn, I _really_ should have stayed in bed this morning.

UGH. Excuse me while I go bang my head on something hard.

_~after Draco Malfoy left~_

"So is he gay, 'Mione?"

"What the heck, Ron? Are you really gonna ask me that?"

"..."

"No guy can be gay and snog a girl like THAT, if that answers your question, Ron."

"Eww... Too much information, Hermione."

"He asked, Harry. He asked..."

* * *

Teehee. Would you consider this romance? I'll just leave it under humour. :)


End file.
